Here’s the review in the Trinidad Guardian. If you’re looking for the CNC3 segment on this, DON’T, there isn’t one. We’re back on CNC3 next weekend for UWI Fete

This weekend we were at the Queen’s Park Oval for the return of ONE Fete premium all-inclusive.

ONE Fete used to do it wet back in the day and this year the promise was to redefine the premium all-inclusive, to raise the bar.

This was a lofty goal especially with fetes like CIC, LIME and PREStige out there.

From the time you entered you could feel the opulence: from the large number of premium drink bars—which stocked Tanqueray gin, I was impressed—to the Taste Ave filled with gourmet cuisine from different regions of the world.

The only thing missing was the megalomaniac from the DirecTV ad stroking the miniature giraffe while talking about “savings ze money.”

In the food area, the lines weren’t even long—well, except the one for Chinese food which for some reason is usually the longest line in any all-inclusive. Must be the vetsin.

Swappi kicked off the performances wearing what appeared to be a velour tracksuit tight enough to count the coins in his pocket. Swaps continued his vintage fixation by bringing on the Sweet Soca Man, Baron, who treated the crowd to a SWWTU Hall-style mini-concert.

Voice and Kees did their best to get the crowd moving. I was surprised Kees didn’t open with ten minutes of the “people’s road march” Savannah Grass, which suggests he’s finally over the Road March result from last year.

Some people are saying his “Pick a Side” tune has the potential to win this year.

Machel Montano and Teddy Rhymez raised the intensity with ‘Stink Behavior’ and then MM brought on Iwer George and Skinny Fabulous to sing ‘Conch Shell’.

Watching a Machel-Iwer combination is like watching, well, Machel and Iwer ballroom dancing.

They’re moving in the same direction but it just seems weird.

Machel clarified his previous announcement that this year’s edition of Machel Monday would be the last but he stressed he wasn’t retiring from singing.

He implied he might be doing something bigger in the future.

Maybe he’s launching a Machel Uber Cruise with him singing in the ballroom like the purple lady in the Fifth Element movie.

At $950, ONE Fete is a cheaper option than a lot of other premium all-inclusives with a lot more premium-ness.

However, the problem with an ultra-premium all-inclusive is that people tend to act ultra stoosh.

Nobody is looking to get sweaty and dive off the stage.

You’re not going to get ladies dressed in their Best Village evening gowns to do more than just sway and sing “ay ya yai La Reine Rive”.

All in all, this felt like a decent first foray back into the Carnival fete lineup.

The only drawback was the very social “so long I eh see yuh” kind of vibe.

But, if you can only go to one ultra-premium all-inclusive fete in the Oval with Machel and Kees, ONE Fete is the flick.

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