This carnival was without a doubt my best one ever. Yeah I had some personal challenges and tragedy but on balance it was more positive than negative.

This season I hit more fetes than ever working with CNC3. The fete reviews I wrote for the Guardian newspaper gave a larger audience a glimpse into my twisted mind. I even met soca stars and had a whale of a time on the road.

So I decided to compile a list, in no particular order, of a few observations, and lessons learned this season. Feel free to add to this list in the comments.

1. Mature patrons could party just as hard or sometimes harder than the younger folk. Shout out to UWI Fete, JUST and Bayview Friday.

2. It is possible for people to fete and play mas without having to eat Ramen noodles for months after Carnival or not pay their bills. It’s called budgeting.

3. If you swing from one little almond tree to Stage Gone Bad, people will think you’re a hooligan.

4. Pants game is the flick. If your pants weren’t fancy and didn’t have plenty color then you weren’t saying anything. Also make sure your swanky pants have some stretch in it so the crotch doesn’t buss way on you.

5. Ladies, if your areolas are as big as your entire boob you can’t use the average sized pasties. You might need to cut a 235/R18 radial tire and make your own.

6. Men need to shave their underarms and lower back. Nobody wants to see your back afro. You look like you’re wearing a hair tutu.

7. Women allyuh need to wax or shave allyuh pubes. Packing your full bush into a micro bikini just looks like you’re giving birth to Chris Garcia.

8. Trinis have an inherent distrust for each other. So much so that Soca Artistes walk with 6 paid men to catch them when they dive into a crowd. Viking Ding Dong’s catchers should have been the highest paid.

9. If you’re going to dive into a crowd to go crowd surfing then make sure you have on a proper panty. All yuh want to do is to have fun and enjoy yourself not have your full moocoomflaow on display.

10. The DJs were the weakest link. If they weren’t playing old music, they were playing the same songs over and over. On top of that like they all ate parrot bottom this year. It was only talk talk talk. I guess that’s no different from other years.

11. Trinis full of too-doo. Last year people were saying there was no good soca music. This year they were saying there aren’t as many good songs as last year. Which is it?

12. They should ban all feather wing backpacks. This is a matter of safety. If one more diva decides they’re walking through the crowd without turning sideways, like she/he alone in the band, there will be carnage.

13. Neil Iwer George is a Jedi master. He sell Double M that Conch Shell tune and convince him it was Road March so that Machel wouldn’t come up with some last minute winner. All the while he done link up with Kees for the real winner. Well played Water Sith Lord.

14. Kees was the overall winner this Carnival. Soca Monarch, Road March, Tuesday on the Rocks, 10 fete a night and about 5 of the biggest tunes of the season. You couldn’t leave your house without seeing Kees somewhere. Not bad for the #2 sexiest red man in T&T.

15. Soca Monarch production still looks like they’re stealing a feed from AVM Channels 4 & 16 back in the day. To be honest, it might be better if they just replace it with Scouting for Talent or Mastana Bahar. Let us at least see people pick-a-pan and win a tin of Crix. Better yet bring back Scalextric racing in Gulf City Mall.

Ok, no more Carnival posts. Back to serious things. Let me see what’s the big deal with this Coronavirus thing.


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