The website LADbible did a recent survey where the results named Daniel Craig, who is about to star in his 5th and final Bond movie, as the best Bond ever. I know right, how could people honestly choose a man who face like an old leather shoe as the best Bond ever. Daniel Craig pan harder than Patrice own.

Personally there is no greater Bond than Sean Connery (I bet when you heard his name you immediately said out loud in his Scottish accent “welcome to the rock”). Now I admit there were issues with Connery’s Bond character. In those days Bond used to slap female enemy agents to get information before sleeping with them. Sometimes consent was also questionable so yeah that was definitely a black mark in Connery’s Bond copy book.

That shouldn’t confuse the topic. The writers have made the new Bond edgier and more action packed which is perfectly normal. After all these years it is refreshing to see Bond’s back story and to make him a man more in touch with the modern world.

Speaking of which, while I agree with revamping the character, I am against changing the very essence of the character. For instance, I am all for equality but I don’t think there should be a black Bond. Here’s why:

Bond needs to be able to blend in to foil world domination plots across the world. There are no world domination plots being hatched in the Caribbean or Africa. I doubt MI6 cares bout the plot of Gyro men to takeover the Avenue and form a gyro cartel.

Plus imagine Bond in America getting stopped driving his Aston Martin. Bond could be killed, not by enemy agents but by highway police at a routine traffic stop. The news report would have the officer saying “First he said his name in a weird last name first sort of way, then he said he had a license to kill from Her Majesty. Clearly he was hooked up on molly or something. We feared for our lives.”

Of course some would say what about in You Only Live Twice in 1967 when Bond had surgery done to look Japanese. They could maybe make a black Bond do that. Apart from being as offensive now as it should have been back then, I don’t think there is enough cake soap on the planet to change Idris Elba into a white man.

I also believe it would be hard but not impossible for a female to play Bond . Bond is a raging alcoholic, misogynist with deep psychological issues. This is not a sexist thing, I’m sure there are heartless women out here already playing that role, most likely they’re red and from the West. However, Bond is classically the worst of how men behave with women and should remain so.

Then again if you want to kill two birds with one stone I suppose you could cast Jada Pinkett Smith as a female Bond. You would get the race thing plus a “bad ting” in one package.

Don’t get me wrong, Daniel Craig is a good Bond, he’s certainly better than Timothy Dalton or George Lazenby. For those of you who don’t know George Lazenby he was Bond in the 1969 film On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. That was the one where Bond got married but his wife was killed soon after which only added to his underlying psychoses. Fun fact about Lazenby, he was offered a multi-movie deal but declined because the filmmakers didn’t accept any of his ideas during filming and he didn’t think the Bond films had a future. Twenty-seven films later, grossing nearly US$7 billion, I guess he was as smart as he was a good actor.

What I think did-was-happen with this LADbible survey was either it was a bunch of millennials who’ve never seen all the Bond movies from Dr. No all the way to wrinkle face Craig or they’re confusing the actual movies with the actor. No doubt the new movies are edgier with better plots and action but there is no way Craig has more swag than either Pierce Brosnan or Roger Moore.

I have this one friend who doesn’t like Bond on the whole but that’s neither here nor there because he’s a crazy person. He once recommended a movie called ‘The Divide’, possibly the worst movie ever made. ‘The Divide’ is what you get if you filmed the inside of a latrine. I know some of you will want to check it out for yourself. DO NOT WATCH IT.

Anyway, so while allyuh focused on celebrity relationships like it affecting you personally meanwhile you’re not telling your cousin about the big bottom ting she man have on the side, I on the other hand addressing more poignant issues such as which actor’s portrayal of a fictional super agent is the best.

Priorities people.

TANA

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