It’s not often that I complain about the issues I face conducting banking transactions. I mean, if it’s one thing we have in this country it’s logical, efficient, expedient, financial institutions. Pssssh….I don’t know who said that but it certainly wasn’t me.

As I write this post my hands are literally shaking as my anger is at level 15 on my 10 point scale. I am LIVID! I don’t want to name names because we all know snitches get stitches or end up in ditches, so I’ll just say that at least for once it wasn’t the blue and yellow bank.

Let me set the scene. So your boy decided to take his own advice and go ahead to try to take advantage of the existing low interest rate environment by refinancing an existing mortgage. I started this process in the middle of September 2020.

Fast forward to late January 2021 and past the many many delays thanks to lawyers conducting legal searches at the speed of cold condensed milk with only one hole on the top of the tin. Worse than that though was that months into the process these lawyers decided “hey, we know we’re taking real long with your transaction, so what we’ll do is, go on vacation over the holidays just when the transaction should close. You’re welcome.”

Ok fine, I’m not an unreasonable person, I know that’s not the bank’s fault right. Well except for the fact that it was the bank that initially took forever to decide which law firm to send me to and then when they did it was to these clowns.

The biggest source of my frustration was having to deal with the mindless drones who either can’t or aren’t allowed to think on their own. Nah man Tana, you’re overreacting. Oh…am I? AM I?!! Well you be the judge.

One of the requirements from the bank is a WASA Clearance Certificate, which states that even though you might not be getting water as you should, you actually don’t owe WASA any money up to the date listed on the certificate. What was lucky for me was that my clearance certificate request coincided with the end of my 3 month billing cycle on November 30, 2020. The next billing date would naturally be at the end of February 2021. Imagine these Nobel Laureate level geniuses asked me (twice!!) for an updated WASA bill. It took all my strength not to tell them how their mother make them and explain the significance of a Clearance Certificate and the dates involved.

Then there was the issue of my BIR number. Apparently they needed a letter direcly from the BIR to confirm my BIR number despite them giving me a car loan 2 years ago using THE SAME BIR NUMBER!! Imagine they don’t trust my TD-4 from my employer or their own FIRETRUCKING FILES. Not to mention (which I’m mentioning) since when does a person’s BIR number change??

Of course you know the usual justification, “it’s a Central Bank requirement”. Even if the CBTT is that pedantic, I doubt the CBTT told them to wait until the day of disbursement to inform clients. Good thing better sense prevailed and by better sense I mean them sensing I was about to go full Samuel Jackson on their entire lineage.

I wouldn’t even get into the fact that the bank asked me to fill out another source of funds declaration form for the institution that I’m paying off after I already filled one out at the lawyer’s office, a form which was sent to the lawyers by….the same institution I’m paying off. Wham, they feel I lying? I does only lie about being drunk or what time I reaching home from the bar.

The irony in all of this was that I went with this institution as I was told they are the easiest to conduct business with. If this is the easiest well dealing with the rest is probably like getting a prostate exam from a doctor with knuckles like a gorilla.

What really burns my britches is that financial institutions don’t give you anything when they inconvenience you or give you bad service. Other companies might give you an extra slice of sweet bread or a voucher for TCB Curl or a hamper with some Alcolado Glacial in it. Not even a $5 voucher or hamper of money from the bank self. Shame!

Well ah eventually “get through” but not me and dem again nah. Fire for dem…well, until I need another loan that is.


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