Again, I don’t partake but the following are some tips and nuggets that I’ve gathered from some of my connoisseur friends that I thought might be useful. Here goes:

1. You are allowed to be in possession of 30g, anything more than that Gary will come to your house and give you a severe tongue lashing.

2. You’re only allowed to smoke in a private dwelling or non-commercial structure. You can’t smoke in or around a school or playground, so finally that restraining order saves you.

3. It won’t make your life any better. If you were a loser before weed, you will be loser after…only high.

4. It won’t make your child mother/father hate you any less. In fact she/he/they might hate you more for spending the child school book money to get high.

5. It won’t make you more appealing to other people. It might make them more appealing to you but make sure to have a sober buddy present to verify you’re not chatting up a chunky Ork from Mordor.

6. Get yourself some good quality wrapping paper. You only have 30g so don’t be wrapping it in copybook page or “gazette” paper. If you’re truly desperate, back in the day we perfected the technique of separating the silver covering from the paper that lined a Du Maurier box. Message for details.

7. If you’re new to the ting ask someone for advice. The last thing you want is to be trying to “ketch it” off razor grass and Timarie rolled up in fig leaf.

8. Prepare meals in advance for when you get the munchies. Why risk ending up eating peanut butter on cornflakes with marshmallows and channa at 3am? Your sober intestines will thank you later.

9. If you’re looking to get them six pack, spranger abs with the vagrant V taper for Carnival then an all weed diet is the flick. Forget giving up carbs, give up food altogether. Just go all weed, all the time and watch those ribs start to show in no time.

10. Finally, just like alcohol, don’t ganja alone. Ganja-ing with friends is a cool lime and makes you seem like fun, ganja-ing alone in the dark at home probably means you need to speak to a mental health professional.

Weed responsibly my friends.


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